I always try and push myself outside of my comfort zone...new things, new digital mediums that are at my creative little fingertips...(I have very small hands) Right now, I'm trying to force things, which is leading me to GRRR and a lot, lot, LOT of frustration. I decided to step away, and figured this would be the perfect thing to blog about.
Not all creating is sunshine, and roses and puppies that when they bark glitter comes out (okay, that last one would creep me out, just a bit). This is the "darker" side of being an artist, and sadly, there are NO cookies....another GRRR.
The frustration level is very high right now...I'm really wanted to go back to my latest comfort zone, which still has a lot of potential for growth. The easy button. The escape hatch. Perhaps I will create one, if only to get the utter and total frustration and anger I'm feeling out.
I'm angry at me...and my skills, or right now there lack of, in my opinion. I am usually very logical but right now the "feels" are at the reigns and it's not pleasant. This is where no matter how logical of an artist you are (which I assume there aren't many of us out there, but who knows?) the dreaded "feels" can win over the logical side.
I wasn't going to blog about this at all, I figured, this is something very personal that no one really knows that I go through as an artist. Then I said to myself, "Self, this is THE reason why you started your humble little blog in the first place. To connect with the minions and show the artist/human that I am." I admit it's a hard thing to do. I am a very private person (yes a bit of an oxymoron being an artist) and I don't deal well with the "feels" and usually logic reigns supreme. I decided that I NEEDED to write to you, my minions, about this. I don't even know if any of you are seeing this, and that's okay, either way. Getting it out, in public...venting and ranting the rage out of me.
When all is said and done, I know I'll make it through the GRRR. It may take awhile, and a bit of adjusting the kinks in my think. I am approaching it wrong. I am withholding the idea, purposely...but I can say it's very very easy to slip back into my Commercial/Graphic art style that I am sooo very comfortable with. That being said, the whole reason for doing what I'm doing is to break out of it...I am breaking my own rules of not allowing the canvas to talk to me. Allowing things to flow...and now, mentally, I feel like a clogged toilet (how's that for imagery?!)
Not easy sometimes...funny that an issue like this arose during the infancy of my blog. I stayed on the mark for the topic header...that in and of itself is an accomplishment. On that note, my minions, I shall sign off for now. Hopefully the next blog post will be me happy dancing because I was victorious in what I set out to do. If not, well life goes on, and many project ideas do get scrapped.
~Amanda