I was waking up, like any other day, with a lovely, strong, glorious cup of coffee. Taking care of emails, and other art stuffs that isn't creating. When the phone rang, I expected it to be my Dad, it is, Dad/Daughter Day, after all. Nope, the phone number that came up was some jacked up number filled with too many zero's and one's...I thought it was binary at first. Now, before we get into what happened I would like to take this time to tell you my theory and philosophy on scammers. Telemarketers are fine...they are annoying as hell, but they are just doing their HONEST job. I'm usually nice to them, unless they provoke the inner beast that lies within me...waiting to chew up scammers and use them like a chew toy. ((envision a puppy with a toy that is vigorously shaking his head with said toy in mouth...now replace the puppy with a dragon...that's me.) Scammers, on the other hand, have no place in my reality. That they exist means they still are getting victims. I usually string them along, for hours sometimes, because it is a source of entertainment and it ties up this one ass hat from actually getting someone to fall for it. My Trixie McBimbo bit is one for the records...act totally stupid, and just string them on and on...slowly get "smarter" as the conversation goes on. Being your own boss has it's perks, I have been able to fine tune bits and characters for the scammers. I would like to say I feel sorry for them, but I truly don't. Usually after stringing them along, they hang up on me. Another goal of mine...I refuse to do the hanging up...I know you are probably asking me why don't you just hang up? Well for the reasons I stated above and I get a sick pleasure out of stringing the scammer along. I am twisted...don't try and figure me out...you'd probably have to dig up Freud for that...
Anyways, so "Jack"...this is what he said his name was, I doubt that highly as I could barely understand him...but never ever give me a name I can repeat over and over. He was calling about my PC...these are my favourite scams...they aren't saying they are from Microsoft, anymore, because I busted the last one saying I had a Mac, which is not true, but he said they are both the same...which, I, the sly of wit, intelligent creature that I am, called his bullshit. He fumbled and mumbled and ended up hanging up. So they learned a lesson of not being specific...points for them. Rest assured, I took the points he gained and then probably a bit of his soul at the end. Jack tells me my PC accidentally downloaded something it wasn't supposed to. I was a bit on the loud side, angry because he interrupted an important time of day for me, when I drink the coffee, to help me function like a normal human being, well normal is a stretch, scratch normal, just function like a human being. I immediately went into the "woe is me" bit...Really?! My PC just accidentally downloaded something without my permission, really?! I was loud, and aggressive. He called me on it...why are you so upset ma'am? (another thing, don't call me ma'am) I said well Jack, I know you are a scammer, that's why. I had zero tolerance this morning...I was still drinking the giver of the tolerance juice...poor poor Jack. I am not a scammer, he says to me...in all his accented glory, your PC has been downloading viruses, why are you getting so upset, and yelling? I said point blank, you tell me why you are trying to scam me and I'll tell you why I'm yelling Jack...to which he fumbled a bit...then tried to go on with his scam...I said listen you booger eating moron, you are wasting your time, why don't you just hang up and put yourself out your misery...he didn't hang up!! I have to give it to "Jack", he was a persistent little bugger (look up bugger in the dictionary, most people don't know the true definition...). Finally after calling him Jack, and telling him how full of shit he was he hung up on me. Score for me!!
All the while, my hubby was laughing his arse off. Commended me on a job well done. I was a bit disappointed, I was caught with my proverbial pants down, and would have liked to have toyed with "Jack" for longer but I didn't have the caffeine in my system, nor the time to deal with him. He did accuse me of being hyper and then called me something, again, I couldn't understand him, between his accent and the shitty connection...either way I win. I will continue to win, and hopefully hurt their heads' so much that no amount of pain killers can help them recover. That is my goal. This is my story (note GW2 reference).